i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
