I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
