i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My brain says no but my pants say off.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize