Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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