his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The air taste purple.
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