he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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