All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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