You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
