Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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