Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
