on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
