FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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