Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
