I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
