I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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