Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
