the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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