There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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