Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
