the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
