I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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