So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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