i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
