apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
