i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i will never coherently bang her
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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