He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
