Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
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He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
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You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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