So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My pussy is not your playground.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
