just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
