new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
