Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
