its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
