I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
