im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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