You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
