That's when you crack a 10am beer
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
