3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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