Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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