That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
