so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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