I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
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All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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