Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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