The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize