Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
