you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.