"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.