i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.