I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
