Texts From Last Night

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  (954): View more from Florida

  God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.

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  (954): God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through. http://tfl.nu/ylm6
  Replies (28) Good night (878) Bad night (4473)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it

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  (614): if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it http://tfl.nu/vfj9
  Replies (5) Good night (3273) Bad night (704)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.

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  (815): I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud. http://tfl.nu/wi0l
  Replies (18) Good night (7169) Bad night (777)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.

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  (410): He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week. http://tfl.nu/7fuh
  Replies (62) Good night (7639) Bad night (1738)
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  (619): View more from California

  I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.

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  (619): I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person. http://tfl.nu/uqdv
  Replies (54) Good night (1899) Bad night (5990)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.

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  (918): when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace. http://tfl.nu/irh2
  Replies (39) Good night (16654) Bad night (1641)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.

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  (843): I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car. http://tfl.nu/mri5
  Replies (11) Good night (1304) Bad night (3695)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.

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  (732): I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked. http://tfl.nu/sxfw
  Replies (15) Good night (6259) Bad night (2146)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?

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  (603): just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why? http://tfl.nu/6teb
  Replies (6) Good night (2284) Bad night (789)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking

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  (310): first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking http://tfl.nu/y6y1
  Replies (8) Good night (2601) Bad night (734)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.

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  (404): I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life. http://tfl.nu/rfqb
  Replies (3) Good night (1446) Bad night (753)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?

  (1-928): View more from Arizona

  ...and?

  (928): View more from Arizona

  I hate when you're right.

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  (928): YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!? (1-928): ...and? (928): I hate when you're right. http://tfl.nu/4pb8
  Replies (10) Good night (1088) Bad night (555)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.

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  (208): Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied. http://tfl.nu/8j3b
  Replies (6) Good night (915) Bad night (479)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.

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  (705): Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast. http://tfl.nu/az13
  Replies (5) Good night (1021) Bad night (405)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.

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  (760): Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick. http://tfl.nu/b7j5
  Replies (1) Good night (857) Bad night (301)

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