uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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