sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
