Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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