it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
