Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
