can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
