i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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