THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
