weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
