The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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