Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
