I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
