I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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