Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
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She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
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Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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