My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
