It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
