Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
