So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
