Don't you send me to vm
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
