two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
