Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
