dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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