I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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