I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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