what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wish you could order shots online.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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