How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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