Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
