im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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